Dear St. Anthony… You know how often over the years you've graciously interceded for me when my Aries carelessness caused me to lose valuable things - like money, poise, patience, and people I love. And each time you've come through for me, by pulling off a major or minor miracle, depending on the magnitude of my loss. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for your help again. You see, I want this book to be widely read so people will understand more about how to love one another through astrology, both by recognizing their own failings and sympathizing with the different, but equally ingrained, bad habits of others - and it would be just awful if it were banned (if it was banned? No. If it were banned) by Virgos. That's even worse than being banned in Boston, because Virgos make up more than one-twelfth of the entire reading public. (There are more Mutable Sun Signs born than others.) And that's not all. You may not know this, but I strongly suspect the word is already out, over in Rome, that this is an astrology book, which automatically means all Catholics might have to confess and be forgiven for their sin, even if they only peek at a friend's copy - despite the clear endorsement of astrology by their own Thomas Aquinas, who was canonized even, if you please! You can see what a disaster it would be if both the Catholics and Virgos should create a double-ban of the book. Not only that, it's also likely to appear on the squeaky-clean Mormon No-No list of Naughty-Naughties, which would mean a triple-ban (counting the Catholics and the Virgins). So, do you suppose you could somehow protect this particular chapter of my book from my misspellings, inaccurate punctuation, imperfect grammar, or other Gross Goofs which might offend Virgos?
The thing is, Tony, that I have no idea what the printer's Sun Sign will be. Of course, I could get lucky, and he'll be a Virgo. But just imagine if he should be an Aries! Could you maybe nudge him a little when he's setting the type if he seems to be about to miss a comma, or a period, or get the page numbers reversed, stuff like that? You just wouldn't believe the stacks of mail I get from Virgos, criticizing a couple of author's mistakes and printer's typos in my first book, Sun Signs, and it's given me a complex. So I respectfully beseech you to guide both me and the printer of unknown Sun Sign origin in making these pages absolutely flawless.
Anyway, I do appreciate your taking the trouble, and apologize for interrupting you, since I realize how busy you are. I'm sure that making miracles is even more time-consuming than praying for them. By the way, thank you for helping me find the billfold, St. Francis of Assisi medal, address book, new box of typewriter ribbons, sweater and social security card I lost last week. Say hello to Francesco for me, and please don't bother God or Ms. God with this request. I'm sure you can handle it. Amen.
To the Reader: Thank you for your kind patience. Now, we'll get right along with the analysis of the VIRRGO-VERGO relationship. But first let me say to any Virgos reading this chapter - and to any Sun Sign people with the Moon or Ascendant in VIRAGO, that if my prayer is, perchance, not completely answered, one hundred percent, it could be some sort of subtle message from the Universe that God isn't as interested in how we spell His name, as in the love and tolerance and forgiveness we show toward one another's goofs and mistakes. You know what I mean?
It's a good and necessary thing for language to be spoken, written, and printed in the most correct form, whenever possible, to avoid misunderstandings in human communication, which is difficult enough at best. Nevertheless, the kindness to overlook the unintentional mistakes of others is also a good and necessary thing. It is, in fact, as St. Exupéry's Little Prince would say, 'a matter of great consequence.'
Two Virgos who are associated as friends, business associates, relatives, or lovers are often compelled to measure one another's every emotion, action, and response - to spell out every opinion and reaction, using the unabridged dictionary of their own or society's preconceived standards of